Withhold

In Defense of Love

The first time I saw Marianne Wlliamson speak on a news show, it was exhilarating to hear someone pierce the skin of approved narratives and speak a deeper truth. Whether it was about going to the roots of what was happening in the countries the migrants were leaving, or questioning the tyranny of medical authority, she championed freedom of thought and awareness of our need for connection. She spoke articulately with insight and courage. So after the first debate it was disturbing to hear one of the talking heads call her candidacy an embarrassment. Maybe ratings depend on binaries and which side is right, but to solve today’s problems we need to get beneath the polarization that keeps everything on the surface. There is a bigger picture to be faced and today’s young people know it.

Where Williamson uses the term love, news commentators call it woohoo, proving just how far the news media has been dragged into Trump’s sphere of negativity. They seem much more comfortable with hate, showing their attachment by how much they talk about it and demonstrate their derision with raised eyebrows and sneering tones. They deride the territory of love because they don’t understand it. Family life today is shaped by standards to be met, judgment, criticism and control, that puts tremendous pressure on children, some start thinking about college in middle school. Many levels of fear are formed by the habits of avoiding punishment and trying to measure  up. Attention is focused on the surface, people are divided deliberately because so much power would be available if they’re unified by their common core.

Human striving for connection is built in. I heard in a Ted Talk, that Oxytocin, thought mainly to be associated with touch and the creation of bonds, is part of the stress response, prompting us to seek out others. People naturally help each other in a crisis and superficial differences don’t stand in the way. Chronic stress is a global condition. We need human contact to rise to the demands of our situation. Cultivating cooperation, choosing a place that’s out of balance to work with others restoring, builds a habit of behavior that stimulates good brain chemistry, even on a small scale. Oxytocin feels good, makes us want to do more of what stimulated it.

Ignoring attempts to put us in categories and pit them against each other, we are able to see the value from different ways of seeing each contributing a particular view that is true from that position. Studies show we become more creative when working with people from different cultures. No one has the right to lay their template on another. With different insights from a range of backgrounds we can stop putting band-aids on problems and see what’s causing the wounds. Active choices are how we discover ourselves, learn what works and what doesn’t.

It’s time to rethink the cultural legacy of opposition and competition and find ways to solve big problems with cooperation and compassion.